


La La Lost You

by vobozidan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Flashbacks, Indenial Bitches, Light Angst, Lost Love, Mild Language, Near Future, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, World Travel, soonhoon crumbs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24605881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vobozidan/pseuds/vobozidan
Summary: Having her by his side all this time never made Jeonghan realize he was finally having his home at arm’s reach. But a storm is never calm, and it came upon their shore. More than the fact that the tides have turned strongly for the both of them, surely they took her along, swallowed by the raging waves. Now he has to face a raging ocean of searching, through the nooks and the crannies, all to search the whole world just for her.
Relationships: Yoon Jeonghan/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to this wonderful journey of mine. 
> 
> This story has been in my mind for almost 6 months now, and finally, I am able to share this to you.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this as much as I did planning everything and writing it.
> 
> I'll also have song recommendations for each chapter. 
> 
> Here's the first: Cologne by Selena Gomez https://open.spotify.com/track/4zvZj8TSRl3EeaeXzRl73k
> 
> All my love,
> 
> \- k8 xx

Ocean waves splashing gently against the sad shore, sea breeze rustling the leaves of surrounding trees, faint warm caress of a late afternoon sun of May on his skin, and this salt and bitter stench lingering on his nose. Jeonghan sat quietly by the lonely shore, gazing out to a horizon of a setting sun that is about to be drowned at this edge of the world.

He can’t help but think of all the memories he’s made in this exact same shore, w _ith her._ They all came flashing back in slow waltz, like a sad supercut, a melodrama. He can almost hear her laugh resonating with the waves, see her long velvet hair dance with the wind, feel her warmth in a hug he’d always love to be in. Remembering them is too much for him to bear that he felt a little dizzy and had to balance himself back with his arm propped on the sand. Unwelcomed tears stung his eyes, and as he grabs a fistful of sand, he can’t help but think, _what happened to us?_

_Why did you have to leave?_ His hand trembles as he felt this rage take over.

Or more like,

_Why did you leave without saying anything?_

But this rage would never build up, as for the past couple years it would always bubble down into deep despair. He lets go of these thoughts along with the innocent sand in his fist. A tear made out of its pool in his eye and finally streamed down his cheek. A heavy pang of pain rested on his chest as he remembers the day he lost her.

It has been two years ever since the day he brought her back home to her shared apartment with Eden. Had he only known it would be the last time he would be able to do that, to have seen her before him, he never would have let her leave his side ever again. What hurts more to think about is that she promised to meet him back again the day after, and that they would try to figure things out after she’s gotten her needed rest. But when Jeonghan came to pick her back up the morning after, Eden was all alone in their flat, also clueless to what’s happening. All of Olivia’s stuff are gone, even her baby’s breath flower pot. All but the sun necklace Jeonghan gave her, carefully laid down on Olivia’s mattress.

Letting out a shaky breath as he stared out into the ocean, he kissed the sun pendant with longing. He brought the necklace with him in the military campgrounds, and would always bring it wherever he’d work for—silently tucked in his special pocket in his uniform. Now that his military service is over and it’s his first day out, he’s feeling more encouraged and determined to start looking for her. He swore to himself every single day he served for his country that once he’s out, his service is not really over as he will look for her everywhere, even if it takes him to search the edges of the world, he will. For Olivia is the only person he’ll serve his heart for, for he decided that Olivia is his only country for the rest of his life.

“Hyung,” Seokmin called out gently a couple of meters behind him. “The rest of the members are waiting in the restaurant.”

Gazing one last time to the light hues of purple and orange mixed together in the sky as the sun’s almost swallowed by the horizon, he hoisted himself up with his free arm and faced his younger friend without forgetting about wiping a few of his tears. He flashed Seokmin a sad smile and trudged towards him, draping his arm over the other’s shoulder as they started walking towards the latter’s car.

The ride to the restaurant their staff rented out for them was mostly quiet, except for the constant reminding of Seokmin of how much he missed the older friend. Jeonghan would whole-heartedly reply likewise, and that it was such a hard time to be away from the members. Though the atmosphere seemed to be light, both of them knows the weight of the impending topic they’re both carefully trying to avoid.

But Seokmin, closest to this hyung, knew that Jeonghan’s just probably shy to ask about her since he would think he should catch up with the members first. And so he started, “Wonwoo and I worked on your possible leads while you were away.”

Jeonghan snapped his head to his driving friend with glistened eyes, “Y-you didn’t have to, Kyeom-ah.” He can’t help but feel this huge sense of gratitude towards the both of them. He never even asked for this before his enlistment with Seungcheol and Joshua, as it feels like a big burden to put on his friends because managing with just the nine of them without the older ones were enough of a struggle.

“Hey, you don’t have to feel bad. Olivia’s our friend too, suck that up your ass.” Seokmin lightly said.

Jeonghan let out a small chuckle while patting Seokmin once on the shoulder.

“Right. Still, thank you.”

“Thank me when we’ve found her. Let’s discuss everything with Wonwoo in the mansion, okay?” Seokmin parked the car, went out the vehicle, and went in the restaurant.

The smell of barbequed meat which he dearly missed filled Jeonghan’s senses that he wasn’t able to notice how it really was just them in the place.

“Finally, welcome back home, Hyung!” someone shouted, and so the rest of the members came swarming over him. As expected, he was flooded with so many _I missed you_ ’s even though they all visited the three of them at least twice a month.

“I missed you so much, Hyung.” Chan hugged him tighter as they walk to their table.

“Even if I’d tease you all day again?” Jeonghan joked on their maknae, who was so close to tears with disbelief that they’ll live together again soon. “Dino, _nugu aegi?_ ” Jeonghan sat on Chan’s left and on Seungcheol’s right.

“That’s it, I’ll tell our manager to send you back—”

“Alright, alright, I was kidding, silly.” Ruffling Chan’s hair, he turned towards the food he missed having for 20 months.

The long table was filled with varieties of meat, side dishes, and soups. Beer and soju were clinked on their glasses, as it was the sound of their celebration of having their three older pillars back home from military service. Carefree chatting and mindless laughter filled the atmosphere—the three hyungs content and happy to get back on their normal lives and the rest of the members couldn’t get any happier to have their hyungs back by their side, especially with only a couple of weeks left for their tenth-year anniversary.

It almost seemed like the usual dinner the thirteen of them would have on special nights. Anyone from another table would’ve guessed they could be celebrating someone’s birthday or the success of a comeback or their anniversary. Except that this time it’s different. This night is a first for everyone, having three of them dine in their military uniforms. The feeling is so familiar, having been together for almost ten years did the job, but everyone can tell something has shifted. They knew they’ve grown, together and individually, and it’s a surreal feeling they’re torn to let go of or hold onto. Who can blame them? Their youth is each other, and it’s really sad to think about the inevitability of going on separate ways someday.

But you can see all of them are either shaking that thought off or pushing it to the very back of their minds. Having the three hyungs back is enough to make them all elated at the moment, enough to make them forget about the sad reality they’re about to face sooner or later.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, Junhui, how was it? Handling the kids by yourself?” Seungcheol asked the member at the other end of the table.

“Tell me about it.” Junhui jokingly said while shaking his head. Now that the question’s been thrown out, he couldn’t help but think back to the very first meeting they had with their company’s CEO. He remembers feeling very light-headed trying to oppose the idea that all three of them have their service at one go. He’s the carefree guy, and the only responsibility he felt burdened with for the past years was to keep up with the choreos. It would mean he’d be the hyung this time, the one in charge, the one who’ll lead them from first greetings to speeches to imposing discipline for every schedule. And boy, he wasn’t ready for that. Thankfully, Wonwoo and Jihoon reassured him not to worry too much because Seungcheol would always remain their leader, and while he’s away, it’s everyone’s burden to be more responsible for the team.

Not that they had much schedules anyway, as they thoroughly planned not to release any music as long as a member is missing. So before their enlistment, Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua participated a lot more actively in their comeback so as to make up for the time they’d be gone. Jun then took all the time he needed to study and prepare for whatever he needs to do to keep the team intact. He practiced his speaking so he wouldn’t stutter too much, and familiarized himself with Korean texts so that he wouldn’t have a hard time with his vocabulary on interviews. Having Seungkwan and Soonyoung do most of the talking sometimes definitely helped him out a lot.

“It was hard, but the members always got my back.” Junhui downed the shot and silently stared at his glass. “We’re still a team after all.”

Of course, that’s only where the light was shed. Even before he had to take up that responsibility, Jun was told to be mindful on how he should express himself on account of other’s feelings. And he brought that trait until he’s grown to it. He took up to himself that he cannot let the other members see his weakness because he’s afraid it would be resonated to everyone and the stability of the team would crack. He’d cry quietly once or twice under his covers once he’s made sure everyone’s asleep whenever the pressure would be too unbearable for him. It hasn’t been easy for him, especially with his personality and origin, but he has the members, so it was still a smooth sail.

“He held out well, I’m proud of him because of that.” Seokmin placed his head on Jun’s shoulder.

“I’m grateful for you, Junhui.” Seungcheol said. “I owe you a ton lot.” It’s undeniably an unspoken fact that he will be first to have his military service. Seungcheol was the one who had the toughest time from the get-go. Not because he didn’t trust Jun, but because his whole identity has been woven along the lives of these 12 boys. For more than a decade he has given his life to these boys and their future, so being their hyung has grown a lot to him, skyrocketing his separation anxiety. Even though he wasn’t really alone as he’s got Jeonghan and Joshua with him, he would still worry over his members as his service started. You can only guess how much he wails everytime the members would visit them every month.

“Of course, you do. Take me shopping first thing tomorrow.” Junhui lightly replied with a chuckle as he lifts his eyes at his hyung.

“Excalibur was amazing, but you have to see Dokyeom in Phantom of the Opera. _Astounding_.” Jihoon suddenly blurted out, looking flushed obviously. His cheeks have long turned red after a few shots of soju.

“That is so out of the blue, Hyung!” Seokmin exclaimed. Everybody’s in a fit of laughter. Turning to the three hyungs’ direction, “This is what you turned him into. He’s grown fond of drinking.”

“Well, I’d like to see him make our next songs drunk.” Joshua laughed along while hugging Seungkwan back.

“Hey, on a serious note, I think he’s full capable of making a decent one even in that state.” Soonyoung retorted.

“Alright, you’re drunk too.” Minghao snatched him of the beer he’s goggling on his hand. He ignored his faint whines and just let him lean on Jihoon. “I really didn’t want to break your bubble but we shouldn’t drink too much. We’ve got to help the three of them keep up with practice and recording right away tomorrow.”

“You guys are screwed, tonight’s all you’ve got to have fun.” Vernon faced the three hyungs.

“We got it, don’t worry. We’ll work on it right away.” Jeonghan replied while clinking glasses with Mingyu. The latter gave him a big wrap of meat just like the old times. “Now tell us more what you’ve been up to.”

“I’ve got a couple of tracks done with Tobi and Brian. I had a lot of fun recording back in New York.” Vernon said while grilling some more meat. “You’ve heard the chorus back when we visited you around Christmas.”

“That makes me wanna go home in LA even just for a day.” Joshua downed his beer. His mom moved to Seoul upon hearing the news of her son’s enlistment so she could visit him frequently. Despite that, Joshua can’t help but still miss his hometown and his friends from miles away, they’re still a big part of who he is today. Especially the LA heat, god he would love to spend his nights in the carnival by the beach again.

“We’ll go there on tour for sure.” Wonwoo silently commented. “I bet you’re missing something else.” He pushed his glass frame up his nose bridge.

“Someone, rather.” Mingyu corrected for him while wiggling his eyebrows playfully towards Joshua. “We didn’t tell her you’re out tonight.”

“You’re still really on that agenda huh.” Joshua feigned grilling as he blushed deeply, trying to avoid the topic. But it seems like Mingyu didn’t get the sign.

“Come on, man. It’s your chance to set things right, surprise Eden maybe tomorrow when you’re done with recording.” Mingyu playfully hit Joshua on the arm while laughing out loud. Joshua shoved him right back and pointed towards Jeonghan’s with his gaze subtly. Jeonghan’s smile dropped a little as he cleared his throat and turned to the other guys, pretending to be deeply interested with the other conversations. Joshua gave Mingyu a look and the latter whispered a small apology.

Trying to shake his thoughts away, Jeonghan asked Minghao what he’s been dying to know about. “How’s your schedule in China going?”

Minghao stopped slurping on his soup to give his hyung a proper look. Excitedly, he explained, “I’m still considering whether or not open up a gallery, it’s still a pretty scary thought for me.”

“Yeah, you should take your time to think about it thoroughly.” Jeonghan replied, thinking how he knows it would be difficult to show the world a side of you you’ve always wanted to keep for yourself.

“I’ve kept you a couple of my pieces from my collaboration from H&M, you’ll like them.” Minghao offered his hyung a sweet smile. He kind of lied about that, as he made and kept the three of them special pieces for his clothing line from the get-go. He knows they’re not enough to show his love for them, but he knows his gesture still means a lot. “Oh, right. Shua-hyung, I’ve planned a few things with our business consultant. The restaurant’s just waiting for your final touch.”

The both of them have been planning to run a fancy resto bar in the outskirts of Seoul when things die down a bit after their anniversary as the remaining lot of them would have to enlist all together.

The night went on as they filled their tummies with good food and alcohol and the gap of the months they were incomplete with stories of military life and clumsy schedules. With Jihoon and Soonyoung almost shitfaced, they decided to head home and call it a day. Each of them propped on another member. Chan cannot walk straight as well so Mingyu decided to tidy the table a bit before paying for their meal and walked side-by-side their managers. They bowed to the restaurant owners and workers—some tried but to no avail almost fell face flat on the floor—and headed straight to the parking lot. Each team hopped on their respective team cars and their managers drove for them to their mansion.

Jeonghan sat silently beside Seokmin, leaning his head on the car window. Their car was oddly quiet with the little snores coming out of Jihoon’s lips and the quiet chatting of Seungkwan and Joshua. Jeonghan drank quite a lot, and he can’t help but enjoy this feeling of lightness and the world around him passing by in slur yet he felt invincible and calm but powerful and restless and that nothing could ever hurt him. Except, of course, for the string of thoughts that follow. Because every path he’d be faced with will always lead back to her. At the end of the day, everything leads back to Olivia.

His Oliv, his ice cream gobbler, his sailor, his shore.

He let out a bitter chuckle to himself, because how ironic is that? How can his roads always end to someone who’s not even around? How can his roots still clutch ever so strongly to such a poor dirt of a belief _they had something_? How can he love someone who’s not beside him and that he can’t touch? And most importantly, how can he possibly look for someone who doesn’t want to be found?

Luckily, the drive back to their massive home in the suburbs of Seoul is not too long and they all arrived before the awing modern structure. Their consecutive and growing success over the years ever since their fifth most successful year lead them to buying a huge humble residence to commemorate their seventh year as a strong team. Seokmin gently hoisted Jeonghan up from his seat and provided him support by an arm around the latter’s waist. As they hopped out of their car so do the rest of the other members. It’s almost summer but the chill of the night still seeped through their clothes as some of them instinctively rubbed their arms or tugged on their cardigans. They all trudged on their massive porch and entered the glass doors framed by expensive pine wood after bidding farewell to their managers. The massive living room where they hang out a lot were filled with their small talks and laughter of some, and a few almost-stumbles thanks to the alcohol as they either go to the kitchen or up in their own rooms. Mingyu, Joshua, Jun, and Hansol dragging Chan went straight for the floors above them and bid their good night wishes as they climbed the marble stairs and went silently into their rooms.

Seokmin dragged Jeonghan straight to Wonwoo’s room, through the third floor which is the same floor as their own, as he planned to explain things with Wonwoo as early as he can even if Jeonghan’s still a little drunk. Whatever information they gathered for the past 20 months, Seokmin was sure they would sober his older friend up without a doubt.

Reaching the last floor—famous for its tranquility as Minghao, Jisoo, Jeonghan, Wonwoo, Seokmin, Seungcheol, and Jihoon reside on it who mostly sleep and prefer the quiet peace unlike the floors beneath it—Seungcheol dashed for his room, almost losing his footing a few times, but he made it whole in front of his room beside Wonwoo’s. Exclaiming, “Ah! I missed my room!” he opened the door and breathed in deeply the scent he missed so much. He’s so close to tears you’d think his referring to an actual person. He threw himself on the bed face flat, snuggling through his pillows and covers.

Wonwoo followed him soon after in his own room and turned his computer on. Each member has got their own rooms—but not too big, just enough for each of them to have their own respective spaces as adults. He called out for Jeonghan who’s close to passing out on the lounge couch. Seokmin undid Jeonghan’s boots and placed some of their stuff on the coffee table, then proceeded on hoisting his hyung up once again.

“Come on, Jeonghanie hyung. We need to plan this as early as now if you really want to find Oliv.” Seokmin grumbled, trying to keep their balance as they walked the hall and entered Wonwoo’s room. The room is dimly lit, with a warm hue of blue painting every nook, a very comfy serene enveloping the guests. The room is very Wonwoo, a deep blue bed in the center, a dresser and a closet, and a gaming computer set. He guided Jeonghan onto the gaming chair, propping him up, while he tries his best to make himself attentive of what they’ll do.

With his eyes closed as he hugs a pillow ready to drift off, Seungcheol heard the shuffling around the next room and whined loudly, “Can’t that wait for tomorrow?”

“Sorry, Hyung, but Oliv’s out there, and we may never know how she’ll decide how we can find her tomorrow if we don’t do something now.” Wonwoo shouted back, setting up all the information he’s gathered on his computer and on the table Jeonghan is facing. Out of the lot of them, Seungcheol’s probably the most worried for Jeonghan, but he doesn’t like showing it especially right now they’re back in their normal lives with the other members because he’s afraid Jeonghan might break, again. So instead, he just hummed in response as he snuggled under his covers.

Shaking his head to clear it, Jeonghan silently gazed on the pictures and files laid out in front of him. His heart churned a little bit as they’re not as much as he expected, but he’s still greatly thankful for how Seokmin and Wonwoo pulled this off themselves. Surely, his head cleared in an instant and he sobered up right away as he gently picked up a photo of the Olivia Rain he knew for more than 4 years, standing in plain white—so pure and delicate just as he remembers.

“That’s the last photo she ever uploaded in Instagram—or anywhere else.” Wonwoo commented. “Basically, Hyung, all these files I have contain of the countries she can be in, how you can get there, and who and where you can ask around if you persist on looking.” He shuffled through the papers, and brought one upfront for them to see. “Say for this one, I think this is where you can start; in the Philippines.”

Seokmin clicked a file on the computer, and a time table showed up. “You can start looking about 3 weeks after our anniversary. Not more than a week per country, and you might fly back in between trips. But if you don’t manage to find her that early, we might postpone continuing if ever we find more information after our world tour.” Jeonghan scanned it quickly and told Wonwoo to send it to him later on.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, Hyung,” Wonwoo grabbed a small chair cushion beside Jeonghan and sat on it, turning on his left so he’s facing him directly. Looking straight into his eyes, “Our leads so far are Yesan, Philippines, and Italy. I tried contacting her family, but they would always answer short—reassuring me she’s fine but won’t give any more details.”

“Hold up,” Jeonghan cuts in. “Did you just say Yesan?” He shuffled around the papers in front of him until he found the file Wonwoo’s pertaining to.

“Yes. She was there.” Wonwoo quietly confirmed.

“And no one dared to mention this to me until now?!” Jeonghan threw both his arms up.

“We just found out recently, Hyung. Don’t get worked up.” Seokmin shifted on his feet.

“Taewoo? Really? Not even a word from him?” Jeonghan scoffed in disbelief. Even with his childhood friend that he’d run away to as an adult he felt a sense of betrayal, which he never knew would be possible after meeting Olivia and befriending her as well with the members. “That explains why he never visited, not even once.”

“We realized Yesan could be a lead around 5 months after your enlistment so we contacted him immediately. As you may know already, he kept denying she was there until we found it weird that he also knew she’s left.” Wonwoo explained.

“So she really was there? In Yesan?” Jeonghan turned to him and asked.

“Just for a while, that’s as much as he’s told us.” Sighing, Wonwoo continued, “Taewoo will come in Seoul in a few days to explain everything to you. I know you can keep your cool, but please, let’s hear him out first, okay?”

Seokmin cleared his throat and continued, “Obviously, she’s no longer in Yesan so that’s kind of crossed off already. I think her family’s kind enough to not resist spilling anything once they see you personally so I suggest you make them talk as much as you can. They can be spilling a few places, maybe a province or another city in the country, or other countries with family members other than Italy.”

“Italy’s quite complicated though. We don’t know the exact address of her aunt yet, but I believe you can get that from her parents. All we know she’s in Milan and I’ve looked up a few places Oliv can be working in around the city just in case. They’re all listed down there.” Wonwoo motioned on the paper Jeonghan picked up and scanned thoroughly.

“Eden also gave out a few of Oliv’s friends in the Philippines, which I think can be helpful.” Seokmin brought out the paper upfront and pointed down the list. “You can start with her dormmate.”

Jeonghan placed down the paper he’s holding and stared at the pile on the table, noticing the drabbles Seokmin and Wonwoo left on almost each paper, with a few highlights of which were most important or urgent to bear in mind. He ran his hands up and down his face and let out a heavy sigh. _At least we’re on to something,_ he thought. Tapping on his lower lip before sorting out the papers, he said, “Alright, I’ll study these more on my own.”

“Just tell me anything you’d need further help with, Hyung. You know I can help out more.” Wonwoo stood up, patting Jeonghan on the shoulder before sitting on his bed.

Once he’s done compiling them in the folder Wonwoo took them out from, he paused on his tracks while looking down. “I really appreciate this, you two.” Looking up to meet their eyes, he thanked them, “Really, thank you so much.”

“It’s not much, Hyung.” Seokmin replied with a bit of remorse written on his smile.

“Stop with the nonsense. I don’t know what I would do or where to start honestly without the two of you.” Jeonghan gave him a warm smile in return. “Let’s call it a day.”

Seokmin and Jeonghan said their good night wishes to Wonwoo and an already snoring Seungcheol who apparently fell asleep on the floor against the door frame of Wonwoo’s room—still in his uniform—while eavesdropping before trudging slowly towards their room. Wonwoo helped Seungcheol back in his bed as Seokmin slumped his upper body weight to Jeonghan, drapping his arms around him while walking. He’s just blurting out how excited he is to be able to find where Oliv is all along and how much he missed her daring but playful presence in the room.

But Jeonghan was mostly silent—as per usual—along with a few hums of agreement with Seokmin; up until the two of them eventually parted for their respective rooms sitting beside each other, until he reached the third bathroom on their floor, until he gradually stripped off of his uniform in front of the mirror, until he’s under the shower with hot water streaming down his body. Until the steam clouded his vision, exactly like how thoughts of Olivia clouded his mind as well.

Usually, he’d start crying as he feels overwhelmed from the thought of never being able to see her again. The shower had become his comfort companion in the military, always washing away his tears and drowning out little sobs that would manage to come out. The heat would comfort his tired body, almost making him relax, but it never eased his whole lonely being that itched to go look for her.

Now, in the exact same situation, that heavy feeling that would weigh him down like the water pouring over him was replaced with determination. He knows they don’t have that much accomplished yet and even to accomplish off the list, but to have somewhere to start off was enough for him to build this mountain of hope and hold onto it for his dear life. Because truly, Olivia is his life and no matter how treacherous the terrain may be, he’s willing to push through them if it would mean they would bring him to her, safely back on her peaceful shore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me here:  
> https://twitter.com/JIHSWOONED
> 
> ask away!  
> https://curiouscat.me/JIHSWOONED
> 
> \- k8 xx


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuck in Gravity by Of Monsters and Men  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/3AF6JW5zzVmSkQWIKMVYqh?si=wFMjKzL8SBi-8qA__iKNwA

Jeonghan’s parents and his younger sister Jaein arrived in the morning from Hwaseong, before anyone could pull themselves out of their beds. Jaein entered the house with her parents with a spare key Seokmin gave them before Jeonghan’s service was over. Their mom proceeded to prepare a massive breakfast for everyone while her husband helped with unpacking the side-dishes they brought.

As per her mother’s orders, Jaein silently pushed through the flight of stairs until she reached the last floor. Turning to the right hall, she arrived in front of Jeonghan’s room and just like old times, she barged in as loudly and boldly as she can to rattle the shit out of her sleeping older brother. “Jeonghan!” she exclaimed as she jumped on top of her sleeping brother’s figure.

Jaein’s weight was enough to wake Jeonghan up, letting out a deep grumble against his pillow. It felt all too familiar for him to realize he really is out of the military quarters and it’s his first morning back to his normal life. He recognized the voice as his sister’s, exactly like how it used to be when they were a lot younger living together in their parents’ house or when he’d come home to Hwaseong every now and then if they’re free of schedule. His sister—only two years younger than him—would wake him up exactly like this: a loud slam of a door against a wall, a sound of shuffling feet around until he’d feel a ton of weight slam upon him with a shrieking voice calling him out repeatedly.

After successfully dragging her brother down to the kitchen, Jaein stumbled against the counter holding Jeonghan on one hand, and just like that, their family was whole again in one room which took quite a while. His family, especially his parents, visited him a lot of times during his service. Despite that, his mom still couldn’t help but tear up as Jeonghan leaned in to her for a tight hug.

After all the hugs and kisses from his parents and the small talks he made with them and his sister, the members woke up with a heavenly smell of hangover soup reaching their rooms and went down one by one—some with their hands inside their pants scratching their bums—soon filling the long table in their dining area. Each of them greeted Jeonghan’s parents properly and thanked them for the food. Before any of them could start eating, two other sets of families arrived and shrieked with the sight of their sons with the rest of the members. Soon enough, the oak table was filled with all sorts of food.

Despite having a long table fit for the thirteen of them, some of the members had to eat on the marble counter so all of the parents and their sons could eat together on the table. Light chatter filled the atmosphere once again, warm gazes exchanged from sons and parents as they fill each other of food and stories. Throughout the years, parents of the members had naturally gotten closer with each other and with each other’s sons, treating everyone as if they are their own.

The early morning light dressed the room as everyone continued on with their light conversations. Jeonghan’s mother got up to get more soup for Seungcheol, bringing in more than a bowl for someone who might need another. “Where’s your sister?” she asked to her first born.

Jeonghan looked around the table, to the members scattered by the counter, to Soonyoung and Jihoon lost in their own world by the corner, and to no avail Jaein is nowhere to be found.

“I think she went to the laundry area in the back.” Seokmin must’ve heard and butted in.

“Fetch her for me, please,” Jeonghan followed his mom’s instructions and excused himself from the table. He went past the living room and turned left for the glass-walled passage hall that leads to a small garden they have beyond glass walls. On his right corner is the laundry area where baskets for each member are stacked neatly against a wall. He looked for his if some member did his for him and noticed it missing. He checked outside where they dry their laundry off if his was still hanged up. Some are Junhui’s and Vernon’s but none are his.

He decided to come back to the main hall and rounded up the staircase to check his room. As he opened his door, Jaein looked up at him from the laundry she’s folding on Jeonghan’s bed and offered him a smile. Jeonghan returned one with a chuckle as he leaned on his door frame, “You know I can fold my own laundry, dim-wit.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself stupid, I’m only doing this because your scent has been long gone from home and I miss it.” Jaein scooted over the edge to give some space for her brother who sat lazily next to her. Stacking up a few folded shirts Mingyu must have washed for her brother so he can sleep in fresh ones, she would glance over Jeonghan a few times over as they sat silently side-by-side. He’s just sitting casually on his end, with one arm hoisting him up for balance, just staring at her quietly with a fond smile.

“You are ever only nice to me when you just fought with your boyfriend.” Jeonghan teased her, in turn receiving a smack of a pillow.

“We did not fight, okay?” Jaein rolled her eyes, “He’s just busy off of his work.” She paused for a bit, contemplating whether or not she should try to check up on his love status. But since he never really admitted to her— _to anyone—_ how he truly feels for Olivia, she let out a heavy sigh, trying to feel if the moment is right, and lifted her gaze to meet his. “H-hyung, she never came around, did she?”

Jeonghan blinked at her once before gazing over the frame beside his computer desk, containing a photo of him beside _his_ shore. He let out a small chuckle as his gaze lingered on it. Jaein and their dad would often ask about her whenever they visited him in the military, and he’d always make up excuses like she’s busy with work or that she’d visit next week.

_When did my little sister became too smart?_ He thought.

“Her name never showed up in your logbook for visitors, not even once.” Jaein mumbled as she fiddled with her fingers. “She’s the closest person to you aside from these guys, so why hasn’t she come around? Did something happen?” She figured she should tread over this as careful as she can as Jeonghan’s not the type to be vocal about this kind of things.

Jeonghan remained silent as he thought over how to answer that question best. He’s grateful she’s considerate enough to keep it to herself, he didn’t want their parents to worry over such thing— _especially Mom, she fell in love with Oliv too_. He argued to himself whether to tell her everything from the beginning or just blurt out that she _simply_ left. He closed his eyes for a second for he can’t decide which one—but his heart sank upon going back to Jaein’s question and realizing he, himself, don’t know what in the heavens happened.

“S-she’s… I don’t really know, Jaein.” Jaein stopped fiddling with her fingers. “We had plans that day, and when I came over her shared flat with Eden, she’s not there. And we haven’t seen her since the day before that.”

“Is she dead?” Jaein gasped and threw her hands over her mouth, barely whispering those words out with pure disbelief written all over her face.

“Ya!” Jeonghan snapped his head towards her and gave her a piercing glare. “She’s fine, dim-wit. I swear to god I’ll have Mom boil you and offer you to country wolves.”

“I’m sorry, okay! You made it sound like she was, asshole.” Jaein glared back. “So she’s fine. But where is she?”

Jeonghan’s features softened as he looked down and shrugged, “No idea. Wonwoo was able to reach her family and they said she’s fine but they wouldn’t give out more details.”

“Did you guys have a fight the day before that or something? It’s just impossible for her to leave without a damn good reason.” Jaein reckoned.

Jeonghan nibbled on his lower lip as he reminisced of what happened the day before she left. They were all overwhelmed with shocking news, so it wasn’t a pleasant day for everyone. He himself was shook up, but Jeonghan’s sure of one thing: he was happy and content, for Olivia was beside him. He loved Olivia even if he hadn’t admitted it to himself, so he was confident even on days their team would have rain checks. They were supposed to go and talk things out the next day with Soohyung, the second CEO of Pledis, he was confident he had everything under control. That’s why Jeonghan couldn’t understand what happened—why she had to leave. For now, he wanted to find Olivia first before telling his family everything about them, so he avoided Jaein’s curious eyes and answered shortly, “We didn’t fight, I told you we even had plans for that day.”

Jaein eyed him for a second but eventually decided to drop it. She understood and trusted whatever her brother is letting her know is everything she needs to know. So in turn, she asked, “Did she never try to contact Eden? Or maybe one of the boys?”

“No, nothing. Even Eden had a hard time when she left without telling her anything, they’re like sisters, you know. If ever she tried to reach anyone, they would’ve told me right away even during my service.” Jeonghan replied quietly, “That day, I went to her room and it seemed like she left with all of her important things, except for the necklace I gave her. Now that I think about it, maybe it’s just not important for her. The necklace, Eden, the boys… Me.”

He motioned his head to his bedside table where it lay silently. “I found it on her bed, just sitting there quietly in the cold, dark, lonely room, screaming the truth at my face as I blinked at it, refusing to believe what’s happening.”

There was silence for a minute. More than feeling a bit overwhelmed with the information she just received, Jaein felt sympathy for her brother who must’ve had a hard time himself. A thought crossed her mind but she wasn’t sure about it so she asked quietly, “When was this again?”

Jeonghan gave her a funny look to lighten things up, “Before my enlistment, obviously, dim-wit. Are you really this stupid?”

“Will you answer me properly for once and stop calling me a dumbass every time?!” she exclaimed while he throwed up his arms over his face in defense as she continuously smacked him with pillows and her fists.

“Will you stop getting dumber by the minute and actually process what I’m telling you?” Jeonghan exclaimed back as he tried dodging every blow until he’s forced out of his bed and standing in front of his table.

Jaein stopped as she breathed heavily and gave him a piercing death glare. Jeonghan glared back and stifled a small laugh—that moment felt just like the old times between them as another typical siblings fighting over petty things. But that’s also when things start clicking inside Jaein’s head.

“When exactly did she disappear?”

“Around April.” Jeonghan replied with his hand on his hip and the other pushing his hair back.

“April?” her eyes squinted over him as she thought hard, trying to remember the last time she saw Olivia. “I think she stopped by once around then, too. She talked about a secret project in their company or something. Maybe she’s still working on that?” Her head tilting to the left as she trailed off.

That made Jeonghan anxious, “What do you mean? What secret project?” he asked, looking at her expectedly. Olivia never mentioned a secret project for the Saem, and Jeonghan thought it would be too impossible for that to be the reason she took off. _Or is it?_ Could the Saem work on something they’d have their employees account into hiding? _But that’s too unlike of Oliv._ She’s not the type to subject onto serious business matter and not tell Eden about it— _or me_. And for the record, she would never go to Hwaseong without him, even if his mom would make her come over, they would let him know first. He can’t help but hope Oliv slipped off of her tongue to Jaein about anything. He felt so desperate—praying silently for any clue, _anything_ at all.

“It was a morning; I think that’s when Mom and Dad left early to visit Aunt Raon when she got hospitalized in Daejon. Oliv had luggage with her.”

Jeonghan sat back on his bed, facing her directly as he scooted closer in his anticipation while he asked, “Oh my god, what else did she say?”

“Calm your tits down, will you let me recall it first? It’s been a year since then, you know,” She squatted away his hands that gripped her arms tightly. “She said she’s got work further south for just a couple of weeks, but it was a confidential research of the company so she told me not to tell anyone about it. I kind of assumed you know that too because of all people—besides Eden—you’re definitely someone important enough to know that. And also, she said it was just for a couple of weeks so I assumed she got back to Seoul after that.”

“Well, fuck.” Jeonghan lowered his gaze while running his fingers through his hair. “I don’t think it has something to do with the Saem because she was in Yesan. She obviously left in a rush and probably thought she can run for Taewoo and really did came to him. I need to talk to Taewoo as soon as possible to know exactly why she was there. Did she mention anything else?”

Jaein shook her head, “We just had a quick coffee together, and I was kind of in a rush as well since I had to leave for work, so our conversation’s not that long.”

For the second time this morning, he felt his heart sank in his stomach. Jeonghan slumped his shoulders in disappointment. Biting his lower lip hard, he let out a deep sigh and cradled his head between his knees. He felt Jaein’s hand on his shoulder, leaving out light strokes of comfort. He shouldn’t have gotten too excited, now his hope dropped so low with so much force he felt the pain physically.

Jaein felt guilty for not being of any help at all. When she managed to figure out Olivia and her brother stopped seeing each other during his service, she never took it up as something serious. She thought that maybe they just had a fight or that Oliv was too busy with her company’s secret research project or something else. Something petty, something trivial, not like this. She and Olivia were good friends, too, so she felt sad about not being able to hang out with her and her brother now that he’s back to his normal life. Now she can’t help but wonder what really happened to the bubbly and carefree Oliv that she knew.

“Don’t beat yourself up too much. I’m sorry for getting your hopes up, Hyung.” Jaein enveloped her brother in a hug, now realizing how serious things have gotten between Olivia and her brother for him to react this way. She always knew he’s had feelings for that lady, but he never really talked about it—for four years—with her and their family, not that it was necessary—he was radiating it. Everywhere he went, whatever he was doing, for every step he took, he glowed. The moment Olivia arrived in his life his world was made of bright and bold strokes of light hues. He was happy, very happy, _and_ _so in love._

And even now, as her vigorous, brave brother rocked back and forth in that crouched position, maintaining a very sad look in his pooled eyes without a tear escaping, holding that sad gaze that bled sorrow and regret, he radiated them the strongest, more than ever. This is when she finds it true—that love and pain are forever intertwined. The stronger the love, the more the pain, and Jeonghan’s unliberated love for Olivia shone so bright and ever so lonely through his pain that gloomed on it.

* * *

Jeonghan and Jaein went back down the kitchen. A boom of laughter welcomed them and with what appears to be a dancing Dad of Seungcheol. He continued on dancing while narrating something in front of the other parents, while Jeonghan’s mom busied herself packing up the containers back in their bags.

“Eomma, why are you packing up already?” Jeonghan panicked a little as he rushed up to her side by the counter.

“You have plans today, honey. Let’s have dinner sometime when you’re free. Tag Oliv along, too.” She beamed at him before announcing to the set of parents to prepare to leave. He weakly smiled back in return, hoping she wouldn’t notice a smudge on his glow, the longing in his eyes, and the sound of the shatters of his broken heart his mom’s smile touched.

Jeonghan swallowed and looked over Seungcheol for answers, to which the other replied, “Don’t look at me, Jihoon’s in charge of recording.”

He met eyes with the said producer and let out a sigh. With the career path he chose, he’s realized long ago he would be away from his family most of the time. Like any other child, it pained him to grow up and cope with reality without his parents beside him. So every moment he gets to spend with them and Jaein in his very busy life really mattered. He’d feel a different kind of happy around them, a more profound content and security. The boys were his home, but of course his family was his first. He’s now realized that you’d really feel more attached to your parents the more you grow older, and he’s sad he couldn’t even spend more time with them today.

“Sorry but we need the three of you to finish recording today.” Jihoon said.

“Choreos the next day.” Soonyoung butted in.

“Right,” Jeonghan looked away from the two lovebirds and with a slumped back, he turned to arrange some of the containers left undone and placed them in the bags. “I’ll bring these over the car, Mom.”

Jeonghan brought the bags through the living room and out the front lawn. Behind him, the parents of Seungcheol and Joshua bid their farewells to their sons and the rest of the boys. They halted cleaning the table and gave the parents a good bow, sending them wishes to stay healthy. Jeonghan placed the bags inside the car and made sure the containers are secured on the backseat so they wouldn’t fly everywhere on the drive.

“What are you doing out here? Get back inside, son,” His dad patted him on the back, “Go ahead and prep yourselves.”

“Why are you pushing me away? Don’t you want to spend more time with me?” Jeonghan jokingly said as he leaned on the car door.

He jumped in surprise as his mom slapped him hard on the arm, “You have a few weeks left before show time and you want to slack off?”

“I just want to spend the day with you, why are you getting mad?” the 30-year-old Jeonghan started whining jokingly while grabbing her by her arms.

“My god, I can’t stand your whiny three-year-old ass anymore.” Jaein remarked, rolling her eyes as she hopped on the driver’s seat.

Their mom, to his surprise, once again enveloped Jeonghan in a tight hug. It took him a second to sense what he assumed earlier. It was tough for him, but it was tougher for his parents. Letting go of their first born, their first angel, their _first love,_ even if it would mean to free his butterfly wings was still a harsh task they had to severe as parents—and Jeonghan understood that feeling to some degree. She was silent for a few seconds, while her son drew circles on her back, “Call us when you’re free, hmm?”

Jeonghan tightened the hug even more for one last time before letting go. He nodded at her with a smile, patting her hair, then turning to give his dad a hug as well. The parents bid their farewell and a few reminders to take meds and vitamins before hopping on inside the car. Jeonghan took a couple of steps back as Jaein started the engine. She looked outside and lowered her windows to shout over, “Grow up, crybaby. Adios!”

Jeonghan pulled out his tongue at her as he waved them goodbye. He watched as Jaein took off for the main road and rounded the corner to his left. When they’re out of his sight, he walked back to their front steps, following suit the other two members who also bid farewell to their own parents. They entered back through the living room and rounded for the kitchen, to which Mingyu and Chan remained doing the dishes. The rest of the members are all scattered by the single sofas by the threshold between the kitchen and the living room, and some are watching by the television.

“Hyelim-noona said to be by the practice room in 30 minutes,” Soonyoung shouted through the high ceiling gap by the staircase to remind everyone of their schedule, all the while Jihoon clinged onto his back like a koala.

Jeonghan flopped on the sofa, rested his head on Junhui’s lap and asked, “How about recording, Jihoon?”

“We can go now and start right away so we can finish today,” he lazily mumbled on Soonyoung’s shoulder with his eyes closed.

“Yeah, I doubt we will, good luck separating that two,” Joshua remarked in a low voice, to which Seungkwan and Wonwoo snickered on.

“I’ll change clothes,” Seungcheol got up from the carpet with his eyes glued to his phone, “Let’s leave in 10.” He started climbing the first steps when he noticed no movement from the two koalas. He halted on his steps and looked up from his phone. He looked at Jeonghan with an _are you kidding me?_ look, to which he just received a chuckle from.

Jeonghan got up and walked over to where a clueless Soonyoung is standing and reading something over his phone, “Come on, Ji.” He tried to untangle each arm of the whining guy from his boyfriend but did not succeed.

“Ya, I can’t believe you haven’t grown tired and is still latching to that guy after all these years!” Seungcheol exclaimed from a few stairs above which made Jihoon open his sleepy eyes.

“Ten minutes,” he exclaimed back weakly in return. Jeonghan just shook his head in amusement as he sat down by the stairs. Joshua patted him on the shoulder as he followed Seungcheol up in their rooms. He looked at Jihoon and fought the urge to roll his eyes at them, as the small guy still clinged to Soonyoung while the latter decided to settle on their spot, a single sofa nearest the stairs which they now call and avoid as the lover’s nest A (B was Jihoon’s room). As Soonyoung sat down, Jihoon sat on his lap and snuggled to the crook of the former’s neck, cradling him while scrolling on his phone.

Jeonghan gave in rolling his eyes at the too sweet atmosphere the two has, _right in front of my fucking salad._ Don’t get him wrong, he didn’t have any problems with the two, and the rest of the members accept and love them just as much. They all had a silent gut feel when Soonyoung became a little different around Jihoon, and vice versa. It was so subtle that they all tried to pretend not to notice and point it out, until everyone’s silence in the room became too loud to bear. It was around their fifth year since debut when some of them celebrated ten years of friendship together, including the said two closeted. Everyone’s used to Jihoon’s blunt attitude, including Soonyoung, until the two would quarrel in ways out of the usual.

As always, of course, his trail of thought would always lead him back _home_. 

The thing is, Olivia couldn’t take the said silence anymore. She was the one who did her magic and beat the boys in gathering their balls as she helped the two of them come out about a year later. Everyone credited her rightfully for it, because they all knew anyone from them cannot overstep the bond Jihoon and Soonyoung had, for fear they might scar the whole group and would not be able to fix it. So even though it was celebrating for him to see two of the most precious beings in his life liberated in each other’s arms, he still couldn’t help but feel blue. The one who deserves to see these scenarios every day, the one who made this celebration of love for the thirteen of them possible was nowhere to be seen.

_When she could have been here beside me, celebrating with me._

_When we could have been liberated together as well._

As he leaned his head on the glass balustrade, he let the thought of Olivia popping the champagne the night when the two officially announced it to the whole group consume him. She sprayed on the two lovers and the rest of the members, bringing everyone up on their feet and dancing around with her. She cared for the members the moment everyone accepted her in their lives, and it really showed. Eden and the thirteen of them became her family in this strange and foreign land, and her love for everyone was felt as her laugh resonated through their ceiling and through their rattled hearts. He couldn’t help but think of what she once said while they talked about Jihoon and Soonyoung:

_Love is not a bondage but a liberation._

She worked hard for that to be true to those two cuddling on the sofa, _but why couldn’t she fight for ours as well?_ Because if love is essentially between two people— _between us_ —then love can only thrive and grow in our freedom, as individuals independent of each other and as individuals dependent of each other, as for love is a gift of self as well. But now, he’s questioning himself if what he felt and is still feeling for her was ever love at all—if it was and is enslaved, restrained from when their eyes would meet, hands and arms brushing against the other as they walk side-by-side, fingertips itching to reach the other, short breaths replacing what could have been confessions, to now, having no idea where and how he can reach her.

He realized these all too late, taking him back in that cold, dark, lonely room, where the necklace screamed the truth at him. The day he lost her was when he also decided to face his liberation and hold her hand bravely, even if not today, even if not now. He will find her, and by then he will be unchained—he will be her swallow who flew back by her side. And he will gift himself to her—his will, his ideas, his feelings, his experiences, his liberation, _all that is alive in me._

_Wait for me, my Oliv._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks start next chapter!
> 
> you can find me here:  
> https://twitter.com/JIHSWOONED
> 
> ask away!  
> https://curiouscat.me/JIHSWOONED
> 
> \- k8 xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun by Coldplay  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/7fJFDK6XjYsXcMKNHESbot?si=NAoE6S0iTomqgCncp4px3g

True to his words, even if he and the other members had a hard time detaching him from his boyfriend, Jihoon was able to wrap that day up before the clock hit midnight. Their seventh full album had thirteen songs, to which the three hyungs were able to hear the incomplete recordings from the members when they’d visit them in the military.

Songwriting was handled well months ago, Jihoon made sure the three remained involved even through small talks, revolving on their decade anniversary theme as they talked about everything in their journey for the past ten years: hardships and challenges from attention and criticisms, sacrifices and countless leaps in the dark, gratitude and love towards their fans, a side of love poems and passages they didn’t let the world know, yet.

All of the songs had the voices of everyone except for the three. They’ve known the tune and rhythm for a couple of months now, so the recording could’ve been a walk in the park. But they were singing their hearts out; every line of lyrics spoke volumes of their journey together as a team for more than ten years, with each resonating through their hearts, so it was inevitable for them to feel a little emotional along the way. That made the three older pillars—mostly Seungcheol, the baby that he is—very sappy. A few tears were shed secretly and wiped away quickly soon after, and the four corners of that recording studio knew all the reasons for each.

The following days were tough. The three of them had to cram learning all the choreographies for all the stages, not to mention keeping up with the pace and stamina of the nine younger members. Major preparations and shooting schedules for music shows and programs for the comeback show kickstarted, the week passed by in a haste when in reality, each day spent in the practice room dragged on for Jeonghan. _Must be my age,_ he thought.

Though he’d admit this kind of tired will always be something he won’t _grow_ tired of. The military trainings and activities dried him out to his core, which was understandable because it’s something he’s not passionate about. Like what he and the rest of the members had been saying for the past decade, what they do as a group had been the most meaningful thing in their youth, and they meant every single word and string. Every drop of sweat and count of ragged breath were not in vain for they were dedicated to the fans and their passion for what they do, so it was all worth it.

Work in the military was no joke, twenty months of it was definitely not a piece of cake. It required too much from Jeonghan from physical labor to his mental stance. So he’d also admit that feeling half as tired from dance practices numbed him as well, in a way that helped him endure the loneliness he would constantly feel. These addicting physical exertions were his way of escaping his mind that itched to wander around—to wander back to places too painful to visit.

The numbness consumed him the moment they finished with the last choreography pose. Members thanked and bowed on Hyelim and other mentors, and grabbed their water bottles and towels. Soonyoung and Chan cleaned a bit before joining those who decided to head home right away. It was past 3 AM and everyone just wanted to take a hot shower and sleep. Jeonghan laid on his back and stared at the creamy white ceiling of the practice room. No thoughts flowed in his head as he evened out his breath, beads of sweat covered his face and seeped through his hair. He didn’t realize how long he was in that position until Seungkwan snapped his fingers over the older friend’s face.

“Earth to Jeonghan?” Seungkwan looked down to his hyung and gave him a faint smile, “I’m checking up on your supplements.”

Jeonghan blinked and snapped back to reality, meeting Seungkwan’s eyes and accepting his hand to help hoist himself up, “Right.”

“I left them by the table,” Seungkwan nodded in the direction of the black table; beside it was Seokmin who was chugging down a bottle of energy drink on the floor. He gave the older a pat on the back as he left the room with the other members.

Jeonghan thanked the younger lad before he walked over the table. Seungcheol appeared on his left and draped an arm around his shoulders, looking over his business. Jeonghan picked up the tray of tablets and made sure everything’s not out of proportion before putting them all in his mouth, Seokmin offering him the drink so he could swallow more easily.

“You good?” Seungcheol asked as he let go of Jeonghan and leaned on the table.

Jeonghan raised his brows once as affirmation as he finished the bottle. Seokmin gaped at him with furrowed brows and whimpered, “I didn’t tell you to finish it, Hyung.”

“Oh, I thought you wouldn’t mind, sorry,” Jeonghan let out a small laugh and sat beside the younger to hug him. Seokmin pushed him away teasingly because they’re both still sweaty from the practice. “I’ll buy you another one.”

He was a step out of the room with Mingyu while wiping his sweat with a white towel when Wonwoo noticed the unrest in the corner. He glanced over Jeonghan and Seokmin giggling while Seungcheol gazed at them before calling out to those walking ahead of them. “Guys, I’ll ride together with those three, you can go without me.”

Mingyu stopped on his track as well to face Wonwoo, “I’ll drive for you—”

“I’ll drive for them,” Jihoon cut him off who came from the hall on their left, wearing a snapback with his hands on his pockets. “I need to fetch some things in my studio above anyway.”

“Hmm, okay.” Mingyu nodded and walked forward to catch up with the other members.

“Tell them I’ll drive you guys home.” Jihoon instructed Wonwoo before walking through the hall on their right for the stairs. The latter obliged and turned around to open the door back in the practice room again. As he entered back in, he watched the oldest throw tantrum, thrashing his arms out in an attempt to convince the other two to have drinks with him.

“The sun’s almost up, Hyung, and we haven’t gotten a wink of sleep yet,” They all looked over Wonwoo as he walked closer to them and took a seat on the floor in front of Jeonghan. “Let’s just go home and sleep.”

“See? We’re all tired, Cheol. Let’s call it a day,” Jeonghan added and was supposed to hoist himself up when Wonwoo stopped him.

“Jihoon’s driving us home, he’s still fetching some stuff upstairs though.” Jeonghan sat back down and laid his head on Seokmin’s lap.

“Fine,” Seungcheol pouted and crossed his arms, “I’ll ask Myungho for some wine.”

There was silence for a few seconds when Wonwoo broke the ice, “I couldn’t find anything in Hwaseong, Hyung.”

The atmosphere shifted just like that. Those seven words were enough to knock the good mood out of them. They marked the ending of the light chuckles and playful demeanor and the beginning of a conversation they hate to tackle but dread to solve out anyway. They felt a little more wretched now if that was even possible from their consecutive practices and preparations, blinking out on space as they let the weight of those words speak for them for a minute. Seokmin ran his fingers through Jeonghan’s scalp slowly, attempting to comfort the older in a small way.

“It’s okay, Wonwoo-yah,” Jeonghan sighed and offered the guy a genuine smile, “Thank you.”

Wonwoo returned a small one as he looked down on the floor and folded his arms over his knees, “Oliv’s a really smart girl; not a single clumsy trace. It’s like she wanted to never be found at all.”

Seungcheol chuckled, “Remember the times when she and Eden would come over even in the old apartments, and the room’s just immediately loud and roaring.”

Seokmin clapped his hands as he laughed out in excitement, “She would scream at the top of her lungs, saying, ‘peanut in chocolate ice cream peasants!’ a-and… ‘mere simulation specs!’”

“Everyone would just catch on her hysteria like we’re all teenagers once again and wouldn’t give a shit about the world,” Seungcheol continued, “And the moment she’d be out of the room, boy… the silence was deafening.”

“It’s like finishing a really good movie and you’re just left there hanging.” Wonwoo commented.

“Yeah, you’d feel so lost that you’d wonder how, how can a single small ripple not escape her frenzy as she left the door.” Jeonghan stated, leaving everyone silent. He wondered if Olivia ever felt as if all of them—and the life she had with them—disappeared behind her as she left, like the wake of a boat.

A sad smile lingered on everyone’s faces as they all blinked at nowhere in particular, knowing well enough Jeonghan’s not just referring back to those days. These were the kind of moments that Olivia’s absence would dawn on somebody else other than Jeonghan. Olivia and Eden became an unprecedented huge part of their lives, and even though they still have Eden, they knew the room could never be as throbbing and overflowing and _alive_ as it was when Olivia never returned through their doors.

But the thing is, their lives, of course—and understandably—went on. Their flock functioned as lively as it could be even before the two girls came in to the picture, so what’s the reason not to pick the pieces up when they got rattled for just a short while? And besides, their brotherhood was strong and invincible, so the thirteen of them would and could move forward, and continue on with their lives—except for one.

“The offer for a few drinks is still up, by the way.” Seungcheol remarked, looking down on Jeonghan. They just rolled their eyes at him, letting out a small laugh to ease the atmosphere out with his persistence to drink.

The door creaked and they turned their heads towards the doorway as Jihoon opened the door, “Let’s go home, guys.”

The other two got on their feet to head out as Jeonghan sat up and took out his phone that pinged in his pocket. The notification on his screen showed some texts; one from their manager reminding them of their moved shoot schedule, and a few from someone he’s been dreading to talk to.

_Park Taewoo_

_May 11, 2025_

_11:58 A.M._

_hey, i asked your manager and he told me you’re free today. can I come over later?_

_May 12, 2025_

_00:16 A.M._

_hope you’re doing good, can we talk?_

_03:22 A.M_

_let’s talk please, i’m sorry._

Jeonghan let out a small scoff, _took him long enough._ Taewoo ignored his texts and calls during the past week, and it frustrated the hell out of him. Not visiting him even once in the military was forgiven, but the fact that he’s purposefully ignoring Jeonghan from reaching out pissed him off. They had years of friendship, and yes, he might not have admitted to everyone he liked—no, loved Olivia, he knew Taewoo wasn’t dumb enough to not actually know the reason why he’s pestering him with texts every day.

He sent a quick reply about dinner and put his phone back in his pocket as he stood up to catch up with the guys who’s about to leave through the door. Despite his grudge on the guy, he can’t help but feel a little excited over the fact that he’s getting more answers tonight. And so, despite the soreness he felt in his limbs, he felt nimble and thrilled as he called out Seungcheol’s name. The oldest halted on his steps and waited for Jeonghan to catch up on him.

“You believe you’re a wild horse who doesn’t know how to stop, right? Well, I believe I will have a beer. How about you?”

* * *

The clock hit 5:38 in the morning when Jeonghan was able to crawl on his bed. Being a heavy drinker that he was, Seungcheol reached his limit as they finished all the beer and some soju they had in their fridge. Jeonghan didn’t bother to try and drag him two floors up and just left him sound asleep on the living room sofa with a blanket and some cushion pillows he found around, and decided to go up his room.

He’s not as drunk as Seungcheol got, he just had a few bottles of beer to quench him and have his mind ease off as he tried to sleep. He blinked at his ceiling, basked in deep purple dawn lustre through the gaps of the white sheets covering his glass windows on his left. Scenes of Olivia against awing shades blended in the sky flashed on his mind in a swift manner, forcing him to close his eyes hard in a desperate attempt to block them out.

He heaved a sigh as he turned on his right, clutching a pillow away from the torn serenity he’s feeling about sunrises and colors and skies and Olivia. Despite laying still, he felt as if he’s waltzing on his bed that felt like a pool. He opened his heavy eyes as he faced his too white wall, reaching under the covers through the pocket of his pants. The tips of his fingers looked for the feeling of the cold metal against them. Seams welcomed them however, and a huge torrent of panic coursed through his drowsy body.

He sat up in a haste and went for both of his pockets in a desperate attempt to reach the furthest corners they could offer. He felt his world around him tilt in the slightest bit, but it wasn’t enough for him to throw the sheets off of him and scurry for the light switch. The alcohol that pumped in his bloodstream was swept under the rug as his whole being got alarmed. The room lit up and he went for his bedside table and computer desk, clearing through his racks of stuff. Things fell down on the floor, causing a bit of a mess which made him curse even more under his breath. He even crouched down on his carpet, searching through his floor and under his desk and bed.

The lone thing Olivia had left, the only piece he had left of _her_ , how could he be so stupid to lose it?

_Fuck me._

He sat down on the floor, trying to collect his breath and thoughts. The fuzz from the beer didn’t help him that much in trying to recollect his last whereabouts. He then stood up, ran for his door and down the flight of stairs. The house was lit with dimmed warm lights, sleeping through the chilly quiet morning. A snoring Seungcheol greeted him in the living room as he rummaged around the empty bottles of liquor and empty bags of snacks, and peeped under the table and the couch.

When his eyes couldn’t find a faint glimmer of the gold necklace anywhere, they started to well up. Jeonghan bit his lower lip hard, trying so hard to contain himself from crying out loud. He looked around the dimmed first floor of their house and dashed for the kitchen clumsily, grazing a few bottles off of the coffee table, causing them to break against the marble floor. He didn’t look back and searched the kitchen, the counter and the floor. But still no signs of the necklace. He let out a loud profanity, and the company building came to mind.

He bolted through the living room, past Seungcheol who woke up from the noise and checked up on him despite feeling dazed and drunk, grabbed someone’s car keys on a counter near the doorway, and out the glass doors to their driveway. Myungho’s car made a sound as he unlocked it with the remote key, and he hopped on the driver’s seat right away. He heard the glass doors open on his left with Seungcheol calling out his name on the open foyer as he started the engine and backed through the pavement and off to the street road. 

He slammed on the gas in pure panic as he reached and sped on the highway, punching his knuckles on the steering wheel. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ Street lights, huge buildings about to wake up, an olive purple sky, and the hazy morning fog of the early morning greeted him as he drove like electricity through the circuit roads of the city. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel hard, overtaking a few cars around in a clumsy manner that made them honk on him, the loud noise rattling the early hours.

He was never a careless driver—never drunk drive, not even with one pint in his system, because he valued his life and the lives of the people he’s got on his hands if he’s driving with someone. But losing that necklace would be the last grain on top of his sand pyramid—it felt like his whole life ahead of him would come crumbling down, spent in the depths and puddles of loneliness. He felt as if losing the necklace meant he’s lost Olivia completely, and his heart couldn’t take that.

So he pushed through 80, leaning his upper body forward and envisioning himself in two situations: zooming in to his destination like out of a supernatural movie or a book Olivia once mentioned, or against a cold, hard wall with fumes from his crushed engine filling his emptying system as his life slipped out of him. He couldn’t care any less if he ended up being on the latter—he’s been out of his orbit for twenty-six months now anyways, and it was just about time his own gravity led him to his own destruction.

_Literally._

But he was breathing—panting hard against the steering wheel. He could feel the pulse against his clammy skin, indicating he hadn’t crashed into anything. He was still here, inside this mobile. He’s still here, _I’m here_. He’s alive and afraid and panting and driven—even if he didn’t know where his gravity was leading him. He still had a shot. Because beyond the alcohol in his system and his tremor and the tears pooling in his eyes, deep in the chocolate pools of them, his yearning won over.

The company building came to sight; he parked up front and went out of the car. He fled through the front doors and to the hallways, deeper into the building until he rounded a corner and arrived at the door of their practice room. He went in and turned on the lights, illuminating the four corners as his eyes scanned the whole room for any signs of the shiny thing.

And there it was—sitting quietly on the cold, hard floor where he sat with Seokmin a few hours back, screaming the truth—once again—at his face; that he almost lost her.

_How nostalgic._

He dropped down on his knees as he felt his adrenaline die down, along with his jitters and nerves. And he couldn’t hold his wails back anymore. Relief washed over him as pent up tears flowed out of his eyes and streamed through his hollowed cheeks. His sobs echoed in the room, imprinting yet another memory against the four walls of the room.

He let out an exasperated sigh as he sat down and leaned against the mirror wall, picking up the golden sun pendant and clutching it in his fist against his chest.

_I’m sorry, I won’t lose you again._

* * *

・:*。 _flashback_ ・:*三

_June 12, 2022_

“Chill your tits, sugar boy. I won’t lose it, I promise.” With salted skin glowing under the afternoon sun, Olivia threw Jeonghan a warm smile as she walked over him on the outside sitting aft in the stern deck. She was about to jump to the open sea per Mingyu’s request for everyone to swim when Jeonghan held her wrist and stopped her on her tracks. She sat before him under the shade with her back facing him, collecting her jet-black hair over her right shoulder.

“I’d kill you if you lose this.” Jeonghan joked, reaching the back of her neck to unclasp the lock of the necklace he gave her about a year ago. His fingers accidentally brushed against her pale golden skin, freezing him on the spot for a split second.

Olivia unnoticeably tensed as she felt his cold fingers graze her warm skin, “Well, congrats in advance for you’d be free of charges for the rest of your life,” She retorted back, catching the pendant below her collarbones as she felt the chain loosen around her neck. She stood up and faced him, throwing him a ‘thanks’ with a grin before walking over the promenade deck, through the salon and cabin to tuck the jewelry into safety.

Lover Boy 88 blasted through the speakers as the salty atmosphere got filled with cheerful chatter from the boys who were drinking around under the 4 PM afternoon sun. Champagne and wine were clinked around in fancy glasses as everybody enjoyed the party, celebrating Jun and Soonyoung’s birthday. Mingyu, Eden, Seokmin, Junhui, Chan and Soonyoung were already in the sea, swimming and playing around with floaters.

A smile remained plastered on Jeonghan’s face as he sat lazily against the fancy cushion of the yacht they rented. He sipped on his wine as he listened to the conversation around him while Seungkwan blabbed on about Chan slipping in the bow deck earlier. Humming along what’s blasting through the speakers, Myungho poured more wine in Jeonghan’s glass, to which the latter thanked him with a wider smile. The salty breeze with the waves lightly rocking their boat that also provided a good background sound calmed Jeonghan, almost making him a bit sleepy.

A couple of minutes later, a bouncing Olivia went out of the salon, singing at the top of her lungs despite mispronouncing the Chinese in the outro of the song. Myungho chuckled over her as she skipped on her steps, walking quickly over Jeonghan and taking his wrist.

“Now come swim with me, sugar boy,” she shouted over the music, tugging him up on his feet but failing. “Oh come on, let’s get you salted!”

“Ah, but I’m feeling a little sleepy, I just wanna sit—”

Myungho took his glass and gave him an encouraging look. Everybody knew Jeonghan could never say no to the lady, and that he always wanted to be around her in the first place, so they’re all not having his bullshit. And it was written all over their faces as he looked around, giving them a boring glare in return.

“What? We haven’t said a damn thing.” Seungcheol exclaimed, earning a laugh from the others. Olivia smiled with pride as Jeonghan finally stood up and downed his glass.

“You dare turn down your Bonnie?” Olivia faked a scoff as she watched him gulp down his wine with her hand on her hip. “It’s pull-a-prank o’clock to the birthday lads growing their fins out in the sea and you—”

Olivia was about to reach his wrist to tug him over again after finishing his drink when it was her turn to be cut off. Jeonghan ignored her hand that reached him; his instead met the hem of his white shirt to pull it over his head and off his torso. Tossing it behind him on his seat and ruffling his hair after—and noticing how she fell silent with his little impromptu stunt—he let out a chuckle as he reached her wrist and tugged her to the edge of the deck.

It took Olivia a second to collect herself and pretend her heart didn’t almost jump out of her chest from the sudden flaunt Jeonghan staged, letting him lead their pace as she screamed at the top of her lungs when they took the jump to the open sea. The boys and Eden laughed over at the two as they both plunged in with their limbs all over the place. The cold blue-green water welcomed and embraced their heated bodies, bubbles surrounding them from the abrupt pressure of their jump.

Jeonghan took a huge breath in as he resurfaced, pushing back his hair that stuck on his face. Splashes of water hit him on his face right away, so he tried blocking them with his hands. Olivia’s squeals dressed the open air as she continued slapping the water over his direction.

“You told me we’d prank the two but here you are, huh, challenging me—your Clyde—for a battle.” Jeonghan looked over her with playful malice written on his wet face features. He almost got distracted with how stunning Olivia looked with her bone structure highlighted by the sunlight and salt water when she splashed more water his way.

“Game on, loser!” she laughed out loud, splashing more with added strength and force.

* * *

A little over 5 in the afternoon, almost everybody was dipped in the cool sea water. BROCKHAMPTON was playing in the background and games went on; the alcohol in their systems buzzed them to have more fun in the water. When they got tired and the fun clamor died down a bit as they got drunker and decided to play on the boat instead, Jeonghan and Olivia went a little further from the yacht to enjoy their privacy.

Jeonghan took her left hand and guided it around his right shoulder. Olivia took the initiative to lock her arms around his neck from the back, so it’d seem like he’s giving her a piggy back ride.

_Must be the wine._

They were both silent at first, letting the waves blend in with the secret rapid beating of their hearts. Jeonghan had given her a few of piggy back rides before, but in this moment right here, it felt as if this was the closest their bodies have ever gotten. The serenity provided by nature around them and the alcohol in their bloodstream thankfully—just this once—conquered the small voices in their heads telling them to hold back. And so they let the moment consume them—facing the golden setting sun, they let their skin quietly tell each other how good it felt to stay like this.

“Oooh, I can see you’ve tried losing weight, huh,” Jeonghan jokingly said, earning a faint smack on his chest and chuckle from Olivia over his shoulder, her breath tickling his ear lobe and neck.

_I think I’ll go mad any moment now._

Curses flooded both their minds, the proximity and heat of each other’s bodies driving them mad. But on the outside, they remained composed and silent, blinking away to the rupture of colors painting the sky shades of yellow and orange. Despite the wine getting to them, they both didn’t dare brave any more of the waters. For fear the unpredictable current might strip the other away from them, both decided to rest along the safety of the friendship shore. Treading through the light waves in that locked position was enough for them, just like how they’ve been enduring for the past years—lost in the comfort of their unspoken entanglement.

Olivia was the one to set out a distraction, not that it helped a lot by the way, “Do you think music played through his head as he flew up high?”

Her small voice sounded so vulnerable it took a lot of strength from Jeonghan to not turn around and kiss her. “Hmm?”

“Icarus, I mean,” she pointed her delicate fingers towards the edge of a hill nearby, “If the apocalypse deserves to have a soundtrack, Icarus’ fall does too.”

_Damn, even her mind is sexy._

“Do you have anything in mind?” Jeonghan asked in a small voice, holding himself back from reaching her stretched out hand and give it feathery kisses.

“I think his flight would have to be Fine Line, but his fall,” she paused and put her hand down and back around his chest, “Yellow Light.”

“Of Monsters and Men,” he affirmed, imagining the exact scenario taking fold with the song a mile in front of them: Icarus flying high up and melting his wings, losing momentum and eventually yanked gracefully down by gravity, falling deep into the sea and drowning. He hummed as Icarus took The Plunge by his eyes, “ _The light is blinding my eyes, as the soft walls eat us alive.”_

“Do you think the whole thing took place around twenty seconds?” Olivia asked out loud, with so much curiosity and enthusiasm laced in her voice.

“What makes you think it was that short?” Jeonghan threw her a glance on his right shoulder.

“Well, it is said that you fall in love with someone if you stare at him or her for twelve seconds. Maybe—” She placed her chin on his shoulder, right beside his face, looking at the setting sun, “Like a moth drawn to a flame, it took him twelve seconds to fall in love with the sun—and to fuck his life up. A few seconds as he flew higher, and the rest was his fall.”

If she’d ask him what he would have done if he was in Icarus’ position, he knew he’s smart enough not to gamble on anything that might risk his life. Because making it safe and sound to shore was definitely a better option than in the deep suffocating embrace of the dark murky water. At least on land, even if he could never touch the sky and be that close to the sun ever again, he could spend the rest of his life adoring her and her glory—delighted in her warmth even from afar.

_I don’t want to risk losing you for the rest of my life, my Oliv, my Aelo. So I’d stay by this shore._

“What a short bliss.” Jeonghan silently commented.

Or maybe, he just didn’t have the balls to dare the altitude and fly higher or take the leap in the first place. Maybe, Icarus was just braver than him.

“Do you think he knew he fucked up? O-or do you think he didn’t know—had no idea at all even when his sight blurred as the sea swallowed him? Oh my god, what if he didn’t know he was dying? Because if you just plunged in, the sunlight can still reach a few miles down the sea.” She hiccupped and continued, “What if Icarus was just like John Green’s Alaska—his labyrinth was Crete and his only way out of it was not straight and fast like Alaska’s, but high up and up? What if—what if the sun just wanted to save him from his cunning dad? Daedalus almost killed a man, so he must've been never safe by his side anyway, and the sun watched Icarus every day in pure terror so she allured him up in her arms?” She hiccuped even more.

_This girl and her Greek craze, I swear to God._

・:* _end of flashback_ ・:*三

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never drive under the influence yalls.
> 
> you can find me here:  
> https://twitter.com/JIHSWOONED
> 
> ask away!  
> https://curiouscat.me/JIHSWOONED
> 
> \- k8 xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Night We Met by Lord Huron   
> https://open.spotify.com/track/0QZ5yyl6B6utIWkxeBDxQN

・:*。 _flashback_ ・:*三

_September 28, 2018_

> _// pick me up and take me like a vitamin //_
> 
> _// ‘cause my body's sweet like sugar venom oh yeah //_

A booming Lana Del Ray track took him by surprise as Jeonghan opened the sliding doors to his shared room’s balcony. The loud music must had come from the one next to theirs, which he didn’t bother to look at and closed the sliding doors back, deciding it was too hot outside and the air conditioning in the room felt much better.

“Too hot?” Seokmin asked, as he fixed their luggage against a wall near the bathroom. The hall to their door was blocked by the guy as he fiddled around with the zipper of his suitcase.

“Yeah,” Jeonghan shielded the room against the scorching midday sunlight with the long curtains, then proceeding to lay down his bed. He took out his phone to call Jun and ask him to play with him when Jun beat him to it; he, Seungkwan, and Hansol knocked and entered their room. They all crammed through the hall with Seungkwan’s easing voice bouncing off of the walls.

“Hey, I was just about to call you to play with me,” Jeonghan told Jun, who crossed the gap by the other bed and sat by his side.

“Manager Kang said they’ll deliver the food here.” Junhui shrugged and laid down beside the older, taking out his phone from his pocket and asked, “What should we play?”

Seokmin stood up from his crouched position after laying down his luggage, hands on his waist, “Seungkwan-ah, why are you here, guys?”

“We’ll have lunch here, Hyung, and besides I was bored.” Seungkwan replied, hugging the older by his back before sitting beside Hansol.

The latter threw himself on Seokmin’s bed parallel to Jeonghan’s, clicked his way on the television remote and found no channel that peaked his interest. “We’re planning to look around after lunch, maybe go to the amusement park up front after some art store stop. You wanna join us?”

“There are other rides besides the ferris wheel?” Hansol nodded at Seokmin. “I’ll think about it.”

“I wanna look through some goods, see what I can buy,” Jeonghan pitched in while tapping wildly on his phone as the sound of screeching cars resonated from his and Jun’s phone. Hansol shut the television off, turned on his bluetooth speakers he brought with him, and played a playlist of their own songs—What’s Good coming through as the first one. He stood up and placed the small circular thing under the television on the small worktop, and paced for the balcony curtains when the door of the room opened.

The rest of the members with some other staff went inside with bags of packed meals and a few trays of room service food on their hands. A loud Soonyoung shouted out his excitement over the beautiful sunny day as he entered the room, earning a few smacks from Jihoon behind him. Jeonghan looked up from his phone and exclaimed, “Ya! Why would yall decide to eat here when the room’s too small for all of us?!”

“To tease you.” Joshua remarked and snickered at the guy, helping a staff on the small dining area take out some boxes.

Seungcheol walked over beside Hansol and helped him push the curtains out to the corner, “This room’s so depressing, come on, bring some natural light in,” Opening the doors to the balcony, a gush of hot wind greeted him on his face, “Fuck.”

“It’s blazing hot outside, don’t tell me we’ll eat there.” Jeonghan glared at him, an animated announcement of his loss spoke through his phone.

“Then stick your ass on your bed here inside, whiny balls,” Seungcheol retorted back, grabbing some of the meals from Chan to put on the table outside. They thanked the staff as they leave; Hansol and Mingyu helping out the youngest arrange some of them while Wonwoo and Myungho arranged the ones on the table inside. Members started grabbing their own packs of rice, some chicken and side dishes while settling on the dining area and some on the floor, some cramming themselves on the two beds.

“I’d make anyone who makes a mess have a scary ride later, _thrice_ ,” Jeonghan threatened as he sat up and thanked Mingyu who handed him his pack. The latter went back outside and took a seat infront of Seungcheol who’s already busy gobbling down his share.

Jeonghan stood up to grab some kimchi and a bit of noodles from Joshua, then looked around for the barbequed beef ribs. He grabbed a cola when he couldn’t find it and Jihoon wouldn’t give any of his, so he decided to go back on his bed when Chan, Junhui, and Wonwoo already crowded his spot. He felt suffocated anyway so he decided to go outside and sit between the two, his back facing the view of the bay. Music from the next room on his right still blasted on, rhythm and tune fighting over what Hansol was playing inside.

“I was looking for these ribs when you two selfish brats are devouring these on your own—why are you even having some soup out here, Mingyu-yah? It’s so hot!”

Mingyu replied while chewing, “It’s really good, Hyung, try it. The receptionist said it’s a delicacy and that it was sour, so I contemplated ordering it, but I still wanted to try the pork cutlets. So I ordered it and I don’t regret it.”

“I kind of wanna make this a hangover soup,” Seungcheol added.

Jeonghan took a spoonful of the said soup and puckered his lips together, “Man, that was sour,” He kept smacking his lips together as the sour velvety flavor lingered on them. “But yeah, it’s good.”

“Try the pork cutlet with soup and rice, Hyung, it’s really good,” Smacking his lips as well, Mingyu continued, “I’m not a big fan of sour soups, you know, but this combination really hits the spot, right Hyung?”

Seungcheol hummed in agreement, mouth closed around the meat, chewing on a rib bone with barbeque sauce around his lips. The three gorged themselves up, filling in their stomach with heavy food under the past 3 PM sun. Their second lunch went on in good spirits; everybody seemed to have enjoyed the little and crammed feast much better than their first one. They had a small snack in the plane, so they decided to have a proper meal together once they landed and settled in the hotel rooms.

When he felt his skin around his middle stretch uncomfortably, Jeonghan peeled his eyes off of the remaining enticing ribs and stood up from his seat. He felt he’d be smothered if he’d remain sitting down, so after clearing up his trash, he decided to pace a bit around the balcony in hopes of getting his food tugged down. The other two stood up as well; Mingyu cleaning up the table while Seungcheol went inside right away.

> _// truly, know that you really don't need //_
> 
> _// to be in love to make love to me //_

He heard a woman hum along the ambient slowcore song playing over the other balcony as he came closer the glass partition with rooted greens on river stones. He stopped on a good distance as the smell of some kind of fresh berries and cigarette smoke filled his nostrils. He was a good meter away from their accent set, so that and the wind direction could be the reason why they couldn’t smell it earlier.

The woman he heard was leaning over the glass handrail, wearing a short ruffled strap white top over a pair of light washed denim shorts, with her loose hair from the low tie drifting along the light blow of the wind. A mid-lit cigarette was tucked between her fingers on her right hand, while the other brought a big berry over her mouth. He could only see the side of her face, also finding the combination a little intriguing as his gaze lingered for a good minute, squinting at how much of a strange sight it was to see a woman smoke.

“Come on, V, let’s go.” Another woman appeared before him, hovering on the threshold of their balcony.

The woman—a “V”, apparently—turned her head towards her friend, meeting Jeonghan’s eyes for a split second before addressing the other with a raised brow, “You can’t possibly go out looking like that.”

Jeonghan blinked back in reality and tried to make himself appear uninterested by leaning against their balcony rail as well, subtly glancing at them. He only saw the woman’s face for a second, but it oddly seemed familiar. Though he couldn’t pinpoint exactly why and how.

“Hey, we’re heading out in a few, you’re coming with us right?” Joshua’s voice made him slightly jump in surprise, snapping his head on his left where he didn’t hear Joshua arrive before him.

“Y-yeah, of course,” Jeonghan scratched his nape as he tried averting his eyes everywhere. Joshua noticed him edgy on his feet while his eyes panned everywhere and to the girls, so he took a look over as well.

The woman who came from the threshold, wearing a moss and orange top, laughed at something the other said and approached her to have something on her top fixed. The girls decided to get back inside their room right away, unknowingly passing by the other two lurking beyond the Peace Lilies and glass barrier.

Joshua and Jeonghan snapped back in reality as the two gals left their sight, turning to look at each other for a second with furrowed brows as confusion swept over themselves, not knowing why they stared a little longer than necessary. They both acted as if nothing had happened while walking silently back over the balcony set, the sudden rush of denied interest remained unspoken and kept behind their pockets. They went inside the room to find some of the members were gone and probably went back to their own rooms, leaving Mingyu and Jihoon cleaning up the mess. Some of those who planned to go out were sprawled out on the two beds.

“Can someone help me pick them up?” Myungho asked, looking around while leaning against the wall.

“I’ll come with you and take them back here, I don’t feel like going on rides anyway,” Wonwoo offered, sitting up straight on Jeonghan’s bed.

“Let’s get going then,” Chan impatiently stomped by the door and turned his head back to give them a look, “What’s slowing you down, anyway, Jeonghan-hyung?

Jeonghan went further inside the room to grab his phone on his bedside table, along with his wallet and belt purse. “Why are you so impatient, anyway, Lee Chan?” He retorted back. Chan and Seungkwan went out ahead, Hansol, Soonyoung, and Myungho on their tail by the doorway, while Jeonghan, Jun and Joshua followed suit. Turning to Jun, he asked, “What were they talking about earlier?”

“Be careful outside!” Jihoon shouted over the hall.

“Buy me some chips, Hyung!” Seokmin added, sprawled out on his bed.

Walking through the small hall between Jeonghan and Joshua with his nose stuck on his phone, Jun answered, “Myungho will buy some art supplies, and he didn’t want to return back right away.” Jeonghan nodded and fixed his hair under the bucket hat he grabbed by the small counter, closing the door behind him.

* * *

Jeonghan lounged on the small common area in the middle of the store with Soonyoung, observing the others who were busy looking over ethnic art products filling up shelves and counters of the shop. From small ornaments and memorabilias, paintings and sculpted deities, to woven fabric and textile, to huge painted and molded jars, the shop located on the last floor of the old four-story museum were buzzing with a good number of tourists, just enough to make the room breathable and not suffocating. Old mahogany caged the room, with a few bamboo decorations here and there, framing the square windows overlooking another side of the bay.

They had been looking around the whole building for a good hour, and the two decided to take a break from all the walking. The few items they wanted to buy were already in Hansol’s basket, asking him to have them checked out. He was still looking around with Seungkwan, Joshua, and Chan while Wonwoo lingered beside Myungho already by the cashier, paying for some traditional materials and paint only available here that he had been interested in months back.

“Those could fit a suitcase,” Soonyoung commented mindlessly as he gaped over the boxes on the counter; some were picked up by Gus, one of their security staff who’s waiting by the elevator a couple of meters away. Jeonghan turned his head over the two’s direction, humming in agreement, when the next person behind them caught his attention. White top and denim shorts, he blinked in surprise to see the “V” woman with her friend, some kind of colorful textile tucked under her arm as she listened to her friend talk with a subtle smile forming on her lips.

Myungho left and disappeared by a shelf to grab something with a store staff, thanking Wonwoo for the help. The latter glanced up from his phone and must’ve thought that was his cue to leave, glancing one last time around to see where the other boys are while thanking the cashier. He placed his phone on top of the two boxes beside another small one, gathering them in his arms and walked beside Gus.

The woman moved forward and placed her items on the counter, giggling over something her friend had said, when a faint and short clattering sound materialized by her foot. Both of them looked down and found a rubber-cased phone. One crouched down and picked it up, looking over the guy that just left before her, Wonwoo, who didn’t notice his phone had fallen, and who had already stepped inside the car lift.

“Hey,” She called over and ran after him, only to have the doors close to her face a couple of steps away. She pressed the button quickly in hopes to have the car not go down just yet, but the red numbers by the screen told her otherwise. She looked back at her friend who glanced over her from the counter, paying for their goods.

“Go ahead and try to catch him, I’ll meet you downstairs.” She said with a smile. The “V” returned one before pressing the other button for the other car on her right and waited for a couple more floors before her car arrives. She’d be late a few seconds away but the stairs were not a promising option as they would just slow her down with her weak lungs, so she’s hoping the guy won’t be too far once her car’s down.

Myungho rounded the shelf and saw that Wonwoo was not where he left him, so he ran over to the commons where Jeonghan and Soonyoung are and asked. The latter filled him in and seeing the little accident over the counter, Jeonghan volunteered to take the pineapple fiber canvas to Wonwoo. He grabbed it from Myungho and ran over the elevator, seeing the “V” stepping inside the car. Leaving the other two confused, he scampered past lined jars and the queue, and just before the car doors shut close, he slipped his hand between them, stopping them from closing. As they opened back, the woman looked up from the panel, meeting Jeonghan’s eyes.

Stepping in, he offered her a small—and awkward—smile, breaking eye contact as he stood on her left. She once again pressed the button for the first floor, tapping her foot impatiently, not bothering to check if there would be more people who might take a ride too. Once the doors shut close, she briefly glanced once over the man who might cause her to miss the owner of the phone, contemplating if she should ask him what floor would he be getting off. When the car started moving down, she took his silence and still figure an answer. _Must be leaving too,_ she thought. But she couldn’t care any less; she just wanted to give the phone back to that stupid nerdy looking guy and go back to the hotel with her friend to have another swim over some drinks.

Jeonghan’s hands started to clamor for no reason— _No, I’m not nervous, this is nothing to be nervous about, why would I be nervous, it’s not like I wanted to talk to her anyway,_ wiping them subtly on his jogging pants as he leaned back on the metal bar by the wall—canvas under his left arm. Before he could he even smack himself in his mind, not even 10 seconds when they started going down, the elevator car shook mildly before coming to a halt, metal creaking echoing from above them. The woman beside him shrieked as both of them grabbed hold on the bar, knees buckling from fear; he himself freaking out a bit as the lights inside their car flickered out.

“What the fuck is happening?!” Now facing each other, with little light from the small digital monitor on the panel, the two looked at the other with a hint of terror in their eyes. The woman tried pressing the button for the doors to open up, but nothing happened.

“I-I don’t know,” Jeonghan replied with a shaky breath, nodding over the panel, “T-try the call or alarm button,”

The woman stood up straight to reach the yellow button and pressed it with shaky fingers, “H-hello?! We need help, we’re stuck! Is there anyone there?!” She paused to see if there’ll be any response but none came, so she tried again.

“Oh god,” No one still answered, so she leaned back again on the wall, running her hand over her hair. Remembering she’s got her phone with her, she took the man’s phone on her left and fished hers in her back pocket with her right hand, the bright light making her squint as she unlocked it.

As she started to dial her friend’s number, Jeonghan stood straight up as he remembered the little incident by the counter, collecting himself and took a deep breath, “Hey, that’s actually my friend’s phone, if you don’t mind me us-“

“How would I know if you’re telling the truth?” With her phone on her right ear, she clutched the other close.

“Look, at lea-“

“Pule! Oh my god, I’m stuck in the elevator!” The woman howled out, her pitch rising while grabbing on her hair. Jeonghan could faintly hear the one on the other line, now really smacking himself in his mind for bolting out in a rush without bringing his own phone. “Really? Well, did you send help? Because no one’s answering through the line.”

“What did she say?”

The girl looked at him with furrowed brows and answered, “Power outage. Weird, the whole avenue’s down apparently.”

The light kicked back in, making Jeonghan look up on the ceiling and feel more composed. He looked back down and ran his fingers in his hair, contemplating whether or not he should still try to get Wonwoo’s phone. It’s true that it’s his friend’s phone, and they’re in the middle of an emergency so he’s got at least a reason to use it to call for help too. “Hey, come on, it’s not like I have somewhere to run off with it. Please, just trust me and let me have the phone.”

The girl gave him a proper look this time, assessing what she should do, but mostly wondering what’s this familiarity settling on her curiosity when her friend asked her again who was she with, to which she replied, “Just some guy, and no, it’s just the two of us.”

Jeonghan sighed in defeat, scanning the car and settling with, “Isn’t there supposed to be an ARD or something?”

“I don’t know, I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s basically a back-up battery—well, there might be, seeing the panel and the lights are still on, but it should also take us automatically to the nearest floor once the power’s out.”

Jeonghan took another look around the ceiling, taking a few steps when the woman panicked and shrieked, “Stop walking around! What if the cables can’t hold our weights and we fall down?! And Eden Grace Toch, I’m gonna fucking kill you if you drop the call!”

Her friend on the line must have panicked as well with her sudden uproar, static voice blared over the speaker as Jeonghan replied, “Calm down, it won’t. The gear shouldn’t unwind the cables.”

“And how would you know that?”

“I just know, okay? Just try to calm down. Is help coming?” Jeonghan asked.

“Yeah, we’re halfway through the second floor so some security guys are coming up in a few. Might take 10 minutes or something.” She paused when her friend started talking again, then continuing, “Apparently the building’s quite old and they didn’t bother to upgrade the safety system of the elevators.”

Jeonghan nodded. They were silent for a few seconds when he asked, “If you don’t want to let me borrow that phone, at least ask your friend if she could see any one around in a… a black shirt that says, uh, Troop, or-or someone in a Tie Dye shirt with a Tie Dye bonnet.” He looked at her with pleading eyes, a hand on his hip.

“Did you catch that, Pule?” She asked on her phone, glancing at Jeonghan who seemed to have collected himself better than her. There was a pause for a while until her friend must have found one of the guys he mentioned. “A Vernon—a guy named Vernon’s looking for you.”

She put her phone on loud speaker and said, “Put him on the phone, Pule.” Meeting eyes with Jeonghan’s relieved ones, she nudged the phone on his direction, inviting him closer.

An alarmed man’s voice rambled on through her phone’s speaker, “Hyung? Are you there? Are you okay?!”

Jeonghan’s eyes lit up, “Vernon! I’m stuck in the elevator, but I’m fine, we’re fine.”

“Yeah, we figured. You’re not hurt, are you?”

“No, don’t worry too much.” Jeonghan assured the guy.

“Josh’s on the phone with Gus right now, and we’re on our way down—”

“WHY DID YOU EVEN HAVE TO TAKE OFF LIKE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE, HYUNG?! AND WITHOUT YOUR PHONE?!” Another man shouted over the phone, cutting the other.

“Calm down, Soonyoung. Don’t get too much attention on you.” Jeonghan glossed over calmly. “Is Gus-hyung already informed?”

“Yeah, we’ll wait for him and Wonwoo here at the front of the landing door.” Vernon replied and continued, “People are coming, Hyung. Just don’t panic and don’t try to do anything, just wait.”

As soon as Jeonghan thanked Vernon, the latter ended the call. The girl blinked a couple of times on her screen before looking over Jeonghan with livid eyes. “Your friend’s stupid for that. What if we don’t get a signal anymore?”

“People are on the way; we’ll be out of here soon.” Jeonghan reassured her—mostly himself—and went back to the corner to lean against the wall, crossing his arms on his chest. The girl was busy typing away on her phone, ignoring the guy as she texted her friend in an attempt to remain calm.

“I, uh, I-I haven’t caught your name.” Jeonghan dared to ask in a hushed tone but didn’t push her to answer as she decided to sit down, remaining glued to her phone, though the worry etched on her forehead softened for a bit.

They were silent as the minutes ticked by, so Jeonghan took the opportunity to gaze at her again, taking in her features with the white light accentuating her facial bone structure until the puzzle pieces he’s been having ever since the rooftop finally made a picture in his head. “You’re the girl in the dining lounge in the hotel, aren’t you?”

She looked up from her phone and met his quite intimidating gaze; his eyes weren’t threatening, but they made her want to figure out the interest lingering in them and why it’s there in the first place. When she didn’t answer, Jeonghan continued, “Our eyes met, don’t you remember?”

She just blinked at him, trying to figure out if she could remember a face other than Eden’s when they had lunch. “Gus-hyung was in a rush to make sure our lunch has been prepared when he bumped into a waiter, making some orange juice spill out on the nearest table, which you happened to be on.” Jeonghan explained.

“Oh, yeah,” She squinted her eyes at him in realization, because that’s actually what happened a few hours ago. She’s having some late lunch after a quick swim with Eden, both having fun so far with the free hotel accommodation from their extracurricular, when a guy flew inside the hall and went straight by the counter. She looked over her shoulder out of curiosity, and when she faced back to the direction he came from—past the wood-framed glass to the lobby’s entrance hall—she met someone’s gaze for a second before proceeding to eat. “Yeah, it was you by the lobby.” A minute soon after, two glasses of orange juice decided to give her a second bath. The guy who bumped to the waiter apologized to the both of them, bowing a couple of times. He seemed to be in a rush and left right away; her gaze following his trail, leading to somebody else’s who was leaving as well.

Jeonghan chuckled, “Now you remember.”

“You’re the guy next door, too, right? In the hotel?” She raised a brow, having her own puzzle piece fit the picture.

“Yeah,” He let out another chuckle, a shy one, “and I’m sorry by the way, about your shirt and your jeans, I think?”

She fanned him out, “Nah, it’s all good. I’ll just have them dry cleaned later.” She offered him a smile, leaning by the wall herself.

“Now that I think about it,” He paused, waiting to meet her gaze, “it seems like you get in trouble every time you’d meet my eyes.” Jeonghan joked, throwing a grin.

Now that _she_ thought about it, luck must have left her side today the moment she stepped on the city. She chuckled at that, looking down on her Converse and back up to meet his gaze, “Let’s never meet again, shall we?”

Jeonghan blinked at her, feeling a bit uneasy with that, but he just tried to ignore how his heart almost sank with another smile. Before any of them could say another thing, a voice from the bottom part of their car door vibrated through.

“Sir Yoon? And Miss Rain? Can you hear me?” They looked at each other with excitement and relief; the panic that had died down a bit completely slipping away from their bodies. They shouted out in unison, affirming their good condition to the guy. “I’m Sam, I’m the elevator technician in the next building. Other technicians are on their way to help so don’t worry; we’ll get you out of there in a few.”

“That was faster than I expected,” The woman commented, almost breathless in excitement.

Jeonghan smiled at her and closed his eyes as he leaned his head back, replying under his breath, “Thank God.”

After ten minutes of waiting for other technicians, the equipped men finally arrived and started on their rescue operation. Some tourists on the floor and other personnel stood idly around the scene. Landing doors on the second floor were opened easily with a key from security. Wonwoo and the other guys with Gus were all waiting a few meters back, while Joshua stayed beside Eden up front. The car doors were also opened a few minutes after, and the two inside were instructed to follow further instructions from the guy who also went in. Some sort of a portable ladder was placed outside to keep them safe from falling into the shaft. The two were harnessed and belayed, securing their way out.

First one out was the woman; her friend who’s been close to tears ran over to her when she was safely out. They sighed silently onto each other’s shoulders, so much relief washing through their bodies. The moment was cut short by a man who had to remover her harness, the woman looking at her friend’s face and giving her an assuring smile. The other was worried sick minutes ago, but now that her friend’s here, she’s just in loss of words.

Soon after, Jeonghan was carefully assisted out by Gus and another man. The members gathered around him, examining him and his state while he assured them that he’s completely fine with a silly smile.

“I hate you, Hyung,” Seungkwan voiced out his distress. Soonyoung pouted out as he handed him his phone. Once he was was out of his harness, he walked closer to them, Joshua giving him quick hug.

The technicians went right on to finish and clear everything up, while some personnel checked up on the two if they had any health concerns. The two attested they’re fine and thanked everyone, especially the ones who assisted them out.

“They said the power will kick back in in less than an hour,” The girl’s friend squeezed her hand before letting go to hand her a shopping bag.

“You said the whole avenue’s down, right?” She received a nod. “Let’s just get back to the hotel.”

“That guy over there was the one in the dining hall earlier, I was taken aback when I saw him. Odd coincidence, isn’t it?” She turned her head to the direction her friend was talking about, and saw the guy in a rush in the dining hall earlier beside the other guy who dropped his phone who’s about to leave with his group.

“Right,” She looked back at her friend and added, “Just a moment.”

Despite her knees still a bit wobbly, she jogged towards the group and to the guy he was hoping to catch earlier, noticing how he’s now carrying the canvas Jeonghan was holding in the car earlier. She blinked in realization, also noting the fact that he’s with the guy’s friends—well, because he’s one of them.

“Hey.” She tapped on his shoulder, this time making sure she won’t miss him. The guy turned to her and stopped on his tracks. She handed him his phone and explained, “You dropped this earlier before getting on the elevator.”

Wonwoo furrowed his brows in confusion, feeling through his pockets and just then realizing that he did didn’t have it on him this whole time. “Thank you—gee I had no idea it fell.”

She watched him scratch the back of his neck and gave him a smile. “Be careful next time.”

“Oh shoot, is that why you were in the elevator?” His eyes widened in realization and apologized, “I’m sorry you had to go through that because of my stupidity.”  
  


“It’s the glitch in the system, don’t worry about it,” She offered him another smile.

She didn’t notice the whole group had stopped walking behind the guy until Jeonghan appeared beside him and butted in with a smug grin on his face, “I told you, didn’t I?”

“Whatever,” She rolled her eyes at him and giggled, “I was just being cautious, okay? I can’t afford to buy another man a new phone for losing it to a thief.”

“Do I look like a Clyde to you?” Jeonghan scoffed in bewilderment.

“Yes.”

Jeonghan scoffed again, crossing his arms, “Really? With this angel looks of mine? I’m offended.”

“Sure, Clyde.” Although she was rolling her eyes for the second time around in their narrative, she couldn’t hide a smirk forming on her lips. “I’ll get going.”

“Thanks again.” Wonwoo waved at her as she turned around to walk back to Eden.

She spotted her right away and cut through her direction. Behind her, she could hear the group leaving, not noticing how a pair of feet remained planted to where she left him off, until he called her out. “For the second time, I haven’t caught your name.”

Her brow raised on his persistence as she slowed on her tracks. The tips of her fingers faintly tingled as she stopped with a smile forming on her lips before turning around. “Haven’t I told you that we shouldn’t meet again?”

A couple of meters away, basked in the faint emergency lights with that stupid smirk he still got on, she looked directly in his dark chocolate eyes. The two of them stood in the middle of the hall, surrounded by a lot of history as they all gawked witness on one taking fold before their tainted dry strokes of tales.

She beat him on replying, putting on a smirk of her own and answered before turning her back and walking away, leaving Jeonghan chuckling, stupidly stunned and intimidated and dazed.

“Bonnie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me here:  
> https://twitter.com/JIHSWOONED
> 
> ask away!  
> https://curiouscat.me/JIHSWOONED
> 
> \- k8 xx


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